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So I’m thinkin, right, how’s a bloke s’posed to pick? Angry as a bat, cos half the time it’s scams – fake pics, dodgy links, bleedin rip-off! Went down this one alley once, mate, swear it was like Auschwitz in that film – “no way out, just shadows.” Nearly shat meself, but then – bam! – this bird, all legs an’ glitter, pops up. Happy as a pig in mud, I was! Cost me a tenner to chat, tho, surprised me bollocks off.

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First customer, this old dude, right? He’s got a cart full of stuff. I’m talking like, 20 bags of flour, a dozen eggs, and a whole chicken. I’m like, “Bro, are you baking for the whole neighborhood?” He just grins and says, “Gotta feed the family!” I’m thinking, “Dude, you could feed a small army!”

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