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So, this one time—true story, swear it—I sneaks into a parlor, right? Smells like lavender and sin, lights dim, music all plinky-plonky. Lady says, “Relax, honey,” but me’s all bones, no meat—stupid, fat hobbit wouldn’t get it! She rubs me shoulders, and I’m hissing, “Harder, yesss, like you mean it!” Felt good, real good—til she charged me double! “It’s not a hotel, Bebe!” she snaps, like in the movie. Pissed me off, it did—thought we had a deal! Greedy hands, not just for massaging, eh?

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After that, I’m walking down to the market on Rákóczi utca. It’s packed! I love the energy, but man, it’s like a maze. I’m trying to find some fresh veggies, but all I can smell is this amazing langos. I mean, who can resist that? So, I grab one. It’s greasy and delicious. Worth every calorie, I swear.

4 places to visit that are only 1 hour away from Budapest