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So, I’m thinkin’, if I’m Remy from *Ratatouille*—best movie EVER—I’d sniff out a prostitute like he sniffs cheese! “Anyone can cook,” he says, but can anyone FIND a hooker? Hmmm! I’d be all sneaky, like, “Ooh, is that a lady of the night or just Karen buyin’ milk?” Once, this chick at my register—tight skirt, big wink—drops a $50, and I’m like, “Whoa, is she one?!” Made me happy, ‘cause—cashier life’s boring, ya feel? But then—ugh—she just wanted gum. Total letdown, so mad!

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First stop? The market at Pasar Baekrajan. I’m craving some nasi goreng, right? But the line is like a mile long. I’m standing there, tapping my foot, thinking, “C’mon, people! I got places to be!” Finally, I get my plate, and it’s like heaven on a fork. Spicy, savory, just the right amount of crunch. I’m in love.