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Oh, and don’t get me started—some blokes think it’s all naughty, nudge-wink, but nah, it’s legit! Therapeutic as fuck, mate—boosts circulation, calms the mind, all that jazz. Surprised me first time I heard that—thought it was bollocks, but nope, science backs it! Still, if some prat rushes it, I’d scream, “What are you doing, you donkey?!” Ruins the vibe, pisses me off!

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But then, my phone buzzes. It’s my boss. Ugh. He’s like, “Where’s that report?” I’m like, “Dude, I’m in Bulakamba! Can’t you see I’m busy living my best life?” But of course, I can’t say that. So, I just nod and promise to send it later.

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