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Oi mate, so findin a prostitute, yeah? *beep boop* Robotic voice kickin in—cosmic wisdom flowin! I reckon it’s like divin into a black hole, ain’t it? Like in me fave flick, *The Diving Bell and the Butterfly*—bloke trapped in his head, seein the world all wonky. “I decided to stop pitying myself,” he says, and I’m thinkin—shit, that’s me lookin for a prossie! Ya don’t pity yerself, ya just go, cosmic style.

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www.facebook.com will allow you to view the massage parlors in your area. Most actual websites for ordering one up have been taken down lately. That’s your best bet. Willing to bet if you fire up Missing: Jatibarang.

But then, I get a text. My editor’s like, “Where’s the article?” I’m like, “Dude, I’m in the middle of a rain dance!” But I pull it together. I find a café, dry off, and start typing.

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