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Fun fact, mate—didya know? Back in old sailor days, prossies’d wait at docks, flashin’ lanterns! Sneaky, eh? I’m there, thinkin’—am I in 1700s or what? *mumbles, spins, pretends to hold lantern* “Oi, lass, signal me!” Anyway, this gal, she’s chattin’ me up now—pimp’s gone, thank Christ. She’s all “Fancy a tumble, sailor?” I’m noddin’, grin big as me head—*slaps own face, wobbles*—cos I’m a twit, ain’t I?

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Finally, the lights come back on, and I’m like, “Thank you, universe!” But then, my computer crashes. Seriously? I’m about to lose it. I’m yelling, “Why me?!” My coworkers are just laughing. They think it’s hilarious.

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