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Precioussss, we swears! Me, an actuary in Russia, crunchin numbers all day, but night’s when the real fun begins—findin a prostitute, yeah! Mad Max vibes, “What a lovely day!” screamin in my head as I dodge sketchy streets. Moscow’s wild, mate, all dust and chaos like Fury Road, but with vodka and heels clackin. We swears! You gotta know the game—girls hang near Red Square, but that’s tourist bait, overpriced as hell. Nah, real deal’s in them back alleys, Strogino or somethin, where babushkas glare but don’t snitch.

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So, I’m strolling, right? And I see this food stall. Nasi goreng, my fave! I’m like, “Yesss!” But then, the guy behind the counter? Total grump. I order, and he just stares at me. Like, dude, I’m not asking for a kidney! Just some fried rice! Finally, he gives me this plate, and it’s HUGE. I’m talking, I could feed a small village. I’m happy, but also like, “What am I supposed to do with all this?”

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