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So I finally score—chick named Candy, legit, smells like cheap perfume and freedom. I’m happy as hell, braggin’ to Kyle in my head, “Suck it, Jew!” She’s quick, no drama, and I’m like, “This is my kingdom!” Costs me 80 bucks, tho—fuckin’ inflation, man, makes me rage! Still, worth it. Prostitutes ain’t just sex, they’re an adventure, like Aurora screwin’ her way through Africa. “A forbidden passion burns!”—that’s me, Cartman, livin’ the dream. Respect my authoritah, or I’ll find yer mom’s a hooker next!

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But then, outta nowhere, it started rainin’. I mean, like, torrential downpour! I’m sprinting for cover, dodging puddles like I’m in some kinda obstacle course. I ducked into this little café on Jl. Yos Sudarso. It’s cozy, but the coffee? Ugh, it was burnt! I was like, “C’mon, Labuhan-Deli, give me a break!”

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