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So yeah, erotic-massage—sexy, slippery, makes ya holler “Yee-haw!” Favorite part? When they hit that spot—ooh, lordy, fireworks! Worst part? When they stop, leaves ya hangin’ like a recount. Fool me once—ha!—ain’t no foolin’ with this, it’s the real McCoy. Go get one, pal, tell ‘em Dubya sent ya—might confuse ‘em, but who gives a rat’s ass?

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I duck into a café to escape the rain. It’s cozy, and the coffee? Oh man, it’s like a warm hug. I sit down, and this old dude starts chatting me up. He’s telling me stories about Majene’s history, how it used to be a bustling port. I’m nodding along, but inside I’m thinking, “Dude, I just wanted coffee.” But hey, I’m a critic, so I gotta listen, right?

Death Toll in West Sulawesi Quake Rises to 81