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Aight, so sexual-massage ain’t just rubbin’ backs, nah. It’s old school, bruv—goes back to ancient China, 2700 BC! Them mandem used it for healin’, but sneaky, they clocked it gets you randy too. Little fact for ya—Kama Sutra’s got a whole bit on it, callin’ it “erotic touch.” Mad, innit? I was like, “Bruv, they was freaky back then!” Got me hyped, proper happy vibes.

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The game’s almost over, and it’s tied. My heart’s racing. Last minute, our team gets a penalty kick. Everyone’s holding their breath. The player takes the shot—GOAL! The place erupts! I’m screaming, jumping, and I swear I almost cried.