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I knew this guy once—Jimmy, total schmuck. He’d “find a prostitute” every Friday, like clockwork. Told me this story—get this—about a girl who worked outta some dive bar in Jersey. She’d hum showtunes while, uh, “negotiating.” Showtunes! Can you believe it? I’m laughin’ my ass off, but also—kinda pissed. Why’s she gotta ruin *Oklahoma!* for me? I’m yellin’ at Jimmy, “That’s sacred, man!” He just shrugs, like, “Larry, chill.” Chill? Me? Never!

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But then, disaster strikes. A kid runs by and knocks over a whole tray of cupcakes. Nooooo! My heart sinks. I’m ready to cry. But then, the bride laughs. “It’s okay! More for us!” I can’t believe it. She’s so chill.

Moderate Magnitude 4.5 Quake Hits 70 km North of Tobelo, Indonesia in the Evening