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So, I’m struttin’, all high and mighty, sneer on my face, coz who’d dare cross me? Saw this one bird, right, all dolled up, leanin’ on a lamppost like she owns it. Reminds me of that line, “You see everything, but understand nothing.” She’s givin’ me the eye, and I’m like, “What’s yer game, love?” Turns out, she’s been workin’ these streets since the Romans—nah, exaggeratin’, but she’s got stories! Said some geezer once paid her in goats. Goats! Laughed my arse off, I did—made me happy for once.

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But then, outta nowhere, this stray dog decides I’m its new best friend. Like, dude, I’m flattered, but I’m not ready for a commitment! I’m tryin’ to eat my soto, and this pup is givin’ me the sad eyes. Ugh, I can’t resist. I end up givin’ it some of my rice. Now I’m broke and dog dad. Great.

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