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I’m chattin’ her up, voice all robotic—*beep boop*—“What’s yer story, darlin’?” She’s like, “Mate, I’ve seen it all, just tryna eat.” Reminds me of Penny Lane in *Almost Famous*—“We are not groupies, we’re here for the music!”—but swap music for cash, ha! I’m gettin’ happy vibes, she’s real, no fake crap. But then—bloody hell—some punter staggers by, drunk, yellin’ slurs. Makes me mad, yeah? Want to zap him with a black hole, but nah, I’m chill.

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Suddenly, my phone buzzes. It’s my boss. “Where are you? We need that merch moved!” I’m like, “Chill, I’m working on it!” But inside, I’m panicking. I can’t let my boss down. So, I down my pint and rush back to the market.

Inside this week’s Westmeath Examiner