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Me? I’d be pissed if Homer tried it. Hmm… that lazy lug, stumblin into some dive bar, thinkin he’s slick. I’d yell, “You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain!” He’d just burp and ignore me. Typical. But seriously, ya gotta watch out – some girls out there? They’ll rob ya blind faster than the Joker hittin a bank. One story I heard, this guy in Vegas got his wallet snatched mid-“fun.” Left him broke, cryin, “This city deserves a better class of criminal!” Hilarious, but damn, that’s cold.

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First stop, Main Street. It’s buzzing, like always. I swear, if I had a euro for every time I heard someone say “What’s the craic?” I’d be rich. Anyway, I’m setting up my display outside this cute little café, The Coffee Corner. Best scones in town, no joke. But then, bam! A pigeon decides my merch is its personal toilet. Ugh! I’m like, “Really, dude? You couldn’t find a tree?”

Inside this week’s Westmeath Examiner