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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m comin’ at ya like a damn Combine Harvester tearin’ thru the fields! Today we’re talkin’ ‘bout findin’ a prostitute, yeah, you heard me right! Picture this—I’m cruisin’ the backroads, dust kickin’ up, thinkin’ ‘bout my fave flick, *The White Ribbon*, that creepy-ass Michael Haneke joint from 2009. Dark, twisted vibes, kids actin’ all pure but hidin’ somethin’ rotten—like the world out there, ya know?

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After that circus, I head out to the pub on Dominick Street. Needed a pint to cool off. The place is packed, and I spot my mate, Seamus. He’s always got the craziest stories. He’s tellin’ me about this time he tried to fish in the Shannon and ended up catchin’ a boot. A freakin’ boot! I’m laughin’ so hard, I nearly spill my drink.

Athlone score in each half to see off stubborn Students with a valuable home win