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So I roll up, cool as shit, and she’s like, “What you want, baby?” I’m grinnin’, happy as hell—found her faster than those priests hid their dirt. “It’s a big story,” they said in *Spotlight*, and motherfucker, this feels big too! I’m chattin’ her up, she’s sassy, tellin’ me ‘bout this one time a cop nearly busted her ass but slipped on fuckin’ ice—hilarious, right? I’m dyin’, laughin’, thinkin’ she’s got balls bigger than mine.

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Anyway, I finally make it to the archives. I’m all set to dive into some old records about the town’s fishing history. Balbriggan was a big deal back in the day, with its fishing industry booming. But guess what? The computer crashes. Just my luck! I’m staring at the screen like it just insulted my mother. I mean, come on! I need those records!

“Parades, Perambulations and Pigeons’ Balbriggan and District News over 200 years at the Bracken Court Hotel