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About Drogheda

So, picture this – I’m in Newark, right? Shithole central. Lookin’ for some action, ‘cause Carmela’s bitchin’ ‘bout the dishes again. Fuckin’ aggravation! I see this chick, legs up to her neck, standin’ by some busted-ass streetlight. “Hey, sweetheart, how’s it hangin’?” I yell, leanin’ outta the Caddy. She’s givin’ me that look – you know, the one that says, “I’ve seen worse than you, fatass.” Makes me laugh, fuckin’ balls on her!

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Lunchtime rolls around, and I decide to hit up that new café on the corner of Foxrock Avenue. You know, the one everyone’s raving about? I walk in, and it’s packed. I mean, who knew Foxrock had so many coffee snobs? I order a flat white, and the barista looks at me like I just asked for a unicorn. “You mean a latte?” she says. I’m like, “Nah, I mean a flat white, lady!” Finally, I get my drink, and it’s worth the wait. Smooth, creamy, just like my favorite pair of shoes.

Death Notice of Anne Donoghue (née Fennell) (Foxrock, Dublin)