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Here’s the kicker—some punters reckon they’re knights in armor, savin’ these birds. Mate, wake up—they’re in it for the thrill, not the charity. We shall fight in the fields of delusion, smashin’ that fairy tale to bits! Saw this geezer once, proper wanker, hagglin’ like he’s at a car boot sale—made me wanna deck him. “Five euros, take it,” she says, voice flat. Five bloody euros? That’s your empire, is it?

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Then, outta nowhere, this old dude on a bike zooms past me. I’m talking full-on Tour de France style. He nearly knocked me over! I yelled, “Hey, slow down, Lance Armstrong!” He just waved and kept going. I was like, “What’s the rush, grandpa?”

Trial pedestrianisation for twin towns’ bridge