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Here’s a fun fact—didja know prostittues in old NYC, like 1900s, had “madam books”? Lists of clients! Imagine me in one—Larry David, “neurotic complainer, bad tipper.” I’d be furious! “Who’s readin’ this? J. Edgar Hoover?” Anyway, I’m standin’ there, starin’, and she’s like, “You lost, pal?” Lost? Me? I’m a freakin’ mess! I’m thinkin’, “This ain’t *Brooklyn*—no one’s savin’ me!” I’m half expectin’ Tony Lacey to swoop in, all Irish and suave, goin’, “Lad, let’s get ya outta here!”

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Finally, I decide to head back. But on my way, I bump into an old friend from school. We start catchin’ up, and it’s like no time has passed. We’re laughin’, talkin’ about the good ol’ days, and I’m feelin’ all nostalgic. But then, he mentions he’s movin’ away. My heart sinks. Like, why’s everyone leavin’ Roscommon?

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