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So, picture this—me, Ali G, rollin’ up in me truck, lookin’ for a bit of fun. Ain’t cos I is black, nah, it’s cos I’m knackered from haulin’ gear all day! Found this bird once, right, near a layby—proper sketchy spot. She was like, “Tenner for a quickie,” and I’m thinkin’, “Is you havin’ a laugh?” Bargained her down to a fiver—skills, innit! Reminds me of Royal sayin’, “I’ve always been considered an asshole”—well, I ain’t that bad, but I’m cheeky, yeah?

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Then, I head to the meeting at the Sallins Community Centre. I’m thinking, “This is gonna be a breeze.” But nope! The projector’s broken. Like, seriously? I’m trying to pitch this killer idea for a local art festival, and all I’ve got is my charm and a bunch of sketches. I’m sweating bullets, and the committee looks like they’d rather watch paint dry.

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