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Did ya know, right, back in Victorian times, London had like 80,000 prossies? True story—grubby streets crawlin’ wid ‘em. Makes me chuckle, ‘cos now it’s all online, innit? Escort sites flashier than a pimp’s gold chain. I’m scrollin’ one night, half pissed, see dis bird sayin’ she’s “discreet.” Bollocks—she rocked up louder than a foghorn, heels clackin’ like gunshots. Neighbours probz thought I was hostin’ a rave. “I am your master!”—I wish, mate, I was hidin’ under me duvet, mortified.

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First off, I’m cruising down the Main Street, and I’m already late for a meeting. Classic me. I’m dodging cyclists like I’m in some twisted video game. Like, why do they think they own the road? Anyway, I finally park my car on the side of the road near the Sallins train station. That place is always buzzing, but today? It was a whole circus.

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