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I roll up, all smooth-like, “Hey, sugar, fancy a ride?” She smirks, hops in – bam! Instant chemistry, baby! I’m thinkin’, *this* is why I knead bread – to afford these wild nights. Fun fact, yeah? Back in the ‘60s, London bakers used to trade loaves for a quickie – true story, mate! Keeps the ovens hot, if ya catch my drift.

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Anyway, I’m fuming, right? I’m walking down by the river, the Avoca, trying to calm down. It’s beautiful there, with the swans and all. But then I see this guy, just chilling on the bank, fishing. He’s got this massive grin, like he’s just won the lottery or something. I’m like, “Dude, what’s your secret?” He just shrugs and says, “It’s all about the patience, mate.” Patience? In Arklow? Yeah, right.

Wicklow boutique loses 90,000 Instagram followers and 70pc of sales over copyright claim