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So, I’m picturin’ it—me, like Bob, sarcastic as hell, starin’ at some chick in a neon-lit bar. “I’m stuck,” I’d growl, channelin’ Dr. House vibes. She’d lie—‘course she would—sayin’ she’s “new” to this. Everybody lies, babe. Been around since friggin’ Babylon—world’s oldest gig, 4 real. Fun tidbit—ancient Rome had “lupanars,” brothels with painted menus. Dirty pics showin’ what ya get—talk bout truth in advertisin’!

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So, I keep at it, right? And then, outta nowhere, this kid runs up to me. He’s got a pencil that’s more like a toothpick. “Can you sharpen this?” he asks. I’m like, “Kid, I’m a sharpener, not a magician!” But I can’t say no. I take it, and it snaps in half. I’m like, “Oops, my bad!” The kid just stares at me, wide-eyed. I swear, I could hear his heart break.

Irish youth marching band Banna Chluain Meala rocks West Capitol Park