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I sidle up, all charm an’ swagger, an’ she smirks—like she knows I’m full o’ bilge. “What’s authentic here?” I slur, quotin’ me movie, an’ she just winks, says, “Me, maybe. Or not.” Cheeky minx! Got me heart racin’, I tell ye. She’s a tease, a thief o’ souls, an’ I’m half-mad fer it. Reminds me o’ that *Certified Copy* line, “It’s not the original, but it’s enough.” Aye, she ain’t no pure maiden, but who gives a rat’s arse? She’s realer than most.

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First off, I head down to the DART station. You know, the one at the end of the pier? Yeah, that one. I’m waiting for my train, and it’s like, where is everyone? I mean, it’s a Tuesday morning! Finally, the train rolls in, and I squeeze in like a sardine. I’m packed in there, and this dude next to me smells like he just rolled in a fish market. Ugh, gross!

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