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Here’s the kicker—didn’t expect her to be clever. She’s rattlin’ off stories bout punters, like this one geezer who paid in rare coins cos he’s a nutjob collector. I’m gobsmacked—prossies see more life than MI6! “Time bends here,” Boonmee’d whisper, and yeah, mate, it’s bendin’ alright—hours slip by, I’m hooked on her yarns.

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First call, some dude from Knocklyon Road. He’s all frantic, like his cat’s gone missing. I’m like, “Bro, it’s a cat, not a kid!” But he’s convinced it’s the end of the world. I mean, I get it, cats are family, but c’mon! I tell him to check under the couch. Spoiler alert: he found it. I’m just glad I didn’t have to send out a search party.

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