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Funniest bit? Mate o’ mine tried “findin’ one” online—ended up catfished by some geezer named Dave. Laughed me arse off! “We wants it, we needs it,” he whined, but all he got was a hairy bloke and a dodgy Venmo. Still, makes me twitchy—whole game’s a mess. You ever notice how them ads pop up, all “discreet fun”? Bollocks, it’s a trap, precious, like that black goo in the film suckin’ ya in.

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So, I keep goin’, tryin’ to shake it off. I hit up the market on The Square. Man, the vibe there is electric! Fresh veggies, local crafts, and this one stall with the best homemade jams. I grab a jar of raspberry. It’s like heaven in a jar! But then, I see this kid knock over a whole display of jars. Glass everywhere! I’m like, “Oh no, not again!”

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