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I hit up this corner—boom, there she is! Red heels, smokin’ a cig, lookin’ like she dgaf. I’m thinkin’, “Is this love authentic?”—another *Certified Copy* line, ha! Nah, fam, it’s just business, but my brain’s spinnin’. I’m yellin’ inside, “Eric, chill, this ain’t a rom-com!” She’s quotin’ prices like it’s a damn menu—50 for this, 100 for that. I’m like, “Girl, I ain’t tryna buy your soul!” Laughin’ my ass off, but lowkey surprised how chill she is. Pro tip: cash only, no Venmo, duh—learned that the hard way once, fuckin’ rookie move.

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As the sun starts settlin’, I head back to my flock. But guess what? They’ve escaped again! I’m chasin’ them down the street, past the library on the corner of West Street. People are laughin’ at me. I’m like, “Yeah, yeah, laugh it up!”

Chris Sutton spotted £16m Everton player ‘furious’ after major incident vs Ipswich