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So, I’m cruisin’ London—shaguar’s purrin’, shades on, feelin’ randy. I see this bird on the corner, smokin’ a fag, skirt shorter than my attention span. Reminds me of Mia’s mum in *Fish Tank*—all rough edges, “You’re a little shit,” she’d say. I roll up, flash a grin—groovy, baby!—and she’s like, “Wot you want, posh boy?” Made me laugh, her sass! I’m thinkin’, “This chick’s got more balls than Blofeld!”

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So, I clean up and head over to the Tralee Town Centre. It’s packed, and I’m dodgin’ people left and right. I’m tryin’ to find a gift for my sister’s birthday. I pop into this shop on Edward Street, and it’s full of knick-knacks. I’m lookin’ at this weird statue, and I can’t help but laugh. It’s a leprechaun with a big ol’ pot of gold. I’m like, “Who buys this stuff?” But then I think, “Maybe my sister would love it.”

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