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So, yer swipin, heart racin—ooh, she’s fit! But wait, the psychology kicks in—yer brain’s screamin, “This ain’t just sex, it’s power!” Makes me mad, coz society’s messed up—ppl judge, but they’re all hypocrites. I’m like, “We’re all animals here!”—straight outta Cronenberg’s flick. That line, “You’re the best man I’ve ever known,” hits different when yer payin for company. Sad, innit?

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Then, I see this couple arguing. Like, full-on shouting match. I’m thinking, “Dude, you’re in public!” But then, the guy pulls out a ring. He’s proposing! I’m like, “Wait, what?!” The girl goes from furious to shocked in a split second. She says yes, and everyone around starts clapping. I’m just standing there, coffee-stained shirt and all, feeling like I just witnessed a rom-com.

Police arrest top crime boss after four months on the run