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Look, escort ain’t pretty—grubby hands, fake moans—but it’s honest in its dishonesty. Like me with a Vicodin bottle—ya know what you’re gettin. So, next time you’re judgin, pal, remember: “We all have our islands”—*Inside Out* nailed that. These folks? Their island’s just got a pricetag. And a helluva lotta lies.

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I get there, and the line is insane! I’m waiting, and this lady in front of me is taking forever. She’s asking about every flavor. I’m like, “Lady, just pick one!” Finally, I get my scoop of chocolate mint. It’s heavenly. I’m walking back, feeling like a king, when I see my buddy Yossi.

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