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But—plot twist—she’s got a pimp, big dude, tattoos everywhere, eyeballin’ me like I stole his krabby patty. I’m sweatin’ buckets, thinkin’, “We’re all animals now!”—movie quote, fits perfect! I’m ready to peel out, but he just grunts and walks off. Phew, close call! Made me mad tho—why these gals gotta deal with that crap? Surprised me how chill she was, like she’s used to it. Sad vibes, man.

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But then, outta nowhere, my cat decides it’s the perfect time to jump on my keyboard. I’m like, “Noooo! Not the cat!” But it’s too late. He’s already sent a bunch of gibberish to my buddy. We both just lose it. I mean, who needs a script when you have a cat, right?

Roman soldiers' 1,600-year-old oil lamp found by high schooler in Israel