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About Petah Tikva

What surprised me? How many dudes use this—like, bankers, lawyers, even my dumb cousin Kyle prob’ly! I’m laughin’ my ass off thinkin’ ‘bout him payin’ for it, that Jew bastard. But real talk, it’s handy—pick a girl, meet up, done. No bullshit datin’ apps. Tho, one time, cop almost caught me—heart poundin’, “The sea is calm!”—and I ran like a fat ninja. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but who cares!

Principal, Sajur Elementary School

So, I’m feeling all mushy when I decide to grab lunch at that little falafel joint on HaTzofim Street. Best falafel in town, no contest. I order my usual, and the guy behind the counter, he’s like, “Extra spicy?” I’m like, “You know it!” But man, when I took that first bite, my mouth was on fire! I’m sweating, tears streaming down my face. I’m like, “This is the last time I trust you, dude!”