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Lemme drop some real talk—erotic-massage been around forever, yo. Back in ancient China, they was doin’ this shit, callin’ it “tuina” or somethin’, but sneaky-like, they’d get freaky with it. Little known fact, right? Bet ya didn’t know that! Makes me happy as fuck thinkin’ ‘bout them old-school playas gettin’ loose. But yo, what pisses me off? These fake-ass “massage parlors” out here—gimme a break, man, they ain’t real! Just cash grabs, no soul, no finesse.
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I get there, and Mr. Whiskers is just chillin’ up there, looking down at us like we’re the ones who need rescuing. I’m like, “C’mon, dude, you’re a cat! Just jump!” But no, he’s too busy posing. I finally manage to coax him down with some treats. The crowd goes wild! I’m a hero for like five minutes. Then, someone asks for a selfie with me. I’m like, “Uh, sure, but can we not make this a thing?”
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