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Her name’s, uh, Candy—shocker, right? Says she’s a “dancer,” but I ain’t dumb. Seen her type, slinkin’ round bars, hustlin’ johns. Little known fact: whores like her, they’re uninsurable—too risky! Claims out the wazoo—STDs, bar fights, ya name it. Pissed me off, tho—she’s actin’ like I owe her somethin’. “I’m not your sugar bot, lady!” I wanna yell. But nah, I’m polite, goldenrod manners an’ all.

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Then, outta nowhere, this old lady from across the street starts yellin’. “You’re ruining my garden!” She’s waving her arms like a madwoman. I’m tryin’ to mediate, but it’s chaos. I’m stuck in the middle of a mini-war zone. I’m thinkin’, “This is not in my job description.”

Israeli Soldier Killed in Gaza Strip Fighting