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Me mate, last week, he goes lookin’, right? Thinks he’s slick, but nah—cops nabbed ‘im quick. Pissed me off, precious! “You’re not a kid anymore,” I signs at ‘im, like from *Boyhood*. Grow up, ya twat! But then, this prossie I met once—swear she glowed, like hope in the filth. Made me happy, yeh, her laugh cut through the stink. “Life doesn’t give ya bumpers,” she says—movie line, bam, stuck in me skull.

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Finally, the rain stops, and we’re like, “Let’s make a run for it!” We dash to the nearest café, which is on Via dei Giardini. I’m still dripping wet, and the barista gives me this look like, “What happened to you?” I just laugh it off.

Italy's treasury freezes assets of fugitive Russian businessman Artem Uss