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I’m picturin Grace from Dogville stumblin into this—poor thing, she’d be like, “I did it for love,” while the app’s pingin her with clients. And me? I’d be cheerin her on, “You get a car! You get a car!” ‘Cause why not? Empowerment, baby! Tho, gotta say, the creeps on there—ugh, nasty. Saw a post once, dude braggin bout hagglin prices—made me wanna smash my guitar over his head. Who raised these fools?

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But then, just when I think the day’s turning around, I get a call from a customer. “Hey, my shoes are falling apart!” I’m like, “What do you want me to do? They’re ancient!” But I can’t say that. So, I promise to fix them ASAP. Ugh, the joys of being a shoemaker.

Colussi invests in reforestation in Italy