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But then—bam!—some jerk cop rolls up, actin’ all high and mighty. Pissed me off! “What’s this, a rat in my soup?” I muttered, ‘cept it’s a gal tryna eat! Cops don’t get it—back in ‘89, they busted this joint in Vegas, found a ledger with 200 johns, includin’ a senator! Hypocrites, doc, total hypocrites. Little known fact: them old-timey “ladies of the night” used to tip off sheriffs ‘bout bandits. Useful, right? History’s nuts!

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First off, I’m heading down Via della Storia, and I’m already late. Typical. I’m a carpenter, not a magician, but I’m trying to make it to this job on time. I’m hustling, dodging tourists like they’re pigeons. Seriously, these folks don’t know how to walk! They’re all stopping to take pics of the vineyards. I mean, yeah, they’re beautiful and all, but c’mon! I got wood to work with!

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