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About Bologna

Precious, yesss, a Kvasnik I am! Me thinks about findin’ a prostitute, eh? Nasty business, tricksy streets, but ohhh, the colors! Like “Far From Heaven,” see? All pretty on top, rotten underneath—*“It’s all so perfect!”*—hah! Stupid, fat hobbit wouldn’t get it! Walkin’ down alleys, dark, stinky, lookin’ for a lass. Not the shiny ones, nah, too pricey. I’m talkin’ the real ones, y’know? Been around since forever—fact is, oldest job ever, innit? Even Romans had ‘em, lupanars they called ‘em, wolf dens! Howlin’ good time, eh?

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First off, I’m heading down Via della Storia, and I’m already late. Typical. I’m a carpenter, not a magician, but I’m trying to make it to this job on time. I’m hustling, dodging tourists like they’re pigeons. Seriously, these folks don’t know how to walk! They’re all stopping to take pics of the vineyards. I mean, yeah, they’re beautiful and all, but c’mon! I got wood to work with!

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