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About Naples

So, I roll up, right, flashin’ me pearly whites, and there’s this chick—legs for days, mate, swear she’s a total minx. I’m all, “Well, hello, gorgeous—fancy a shag?” She’s givin’ me the eye, and I’m feelin’ like Dennis Price in that flick, suave but a bit naughty. But here’s the kicker—did ya know some o’ these lasses got wild stories? Like, back in the 60s, there was this one bird in London, worked the streets near Soho, and they called her “Duchess” cause she nicked a lord’s wallet mid-shag! True story, mate—cheeky as hell!

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But then, just when I think it’s all good, I trip on a cobblestone on Via Garibaldi. I go down hard. I’m lying there, thinking, “This is it. This is how I go out.” But the locals rush over, helping me up, laughing. “You okay, buddy?” I’m like, “Yeah, just testing the ground.”

PETE CALTAGIRONE