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Oi mate, ‘ere’s me, Ozzy fuckin’ Osbourne – mumbled incoherence, “Sharon!” – talkin’ ‘bout whores, yeah! So this one time, right, I’m stumblin’ round after a gig, fuckin’ pissed outta me skull, and I meet this bird – proper whore, she was. Legs up to ‘ere, tits out, smellin’ like cheap fags and desperation. Reminds me o’ that bit in “Yi Yi” – y’know, “Life’s a fuckin’ dream, innit?” – ‘cept her dream’s more like a nightmare on a street corner.

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After the meeting, I dash back to the festival. It’s wild! Music blasting, people dancing, food stalls everywhere. I grab a slice of pizza from my fave spot on Via Mazzini. Best pizza ever, no cap. I’m munching away, feeling a bit better.

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