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Oh, and the smell – Gawd, it’s rank! Like, worse than my ex’s cologne, and that’s sayin’ somethin’! I’m thinkin’, “Anyone can cook, but not THIS!” Straight outta *Ratatouille*, right? Whore ain’t winnin’ no Michelin stars, lemme tell ya! I chucked it back, said, “Swim away, ya big lug!” Watched it sink, felt kinda proud – like I beat the sea’s ugliest beast!

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After that, we decide to grab some gelato. I mean, it’s Italy, right? I go for pistachio, and it’s divine! But then, I drop it. Seriously, I’m cursed today! I’m standing there, staring at the ground like it’s the end of the world.