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Here’s a lil’ secret, ‘kay? Back in the old days, prostitutes used to flash red lanterns so horny sailors knew where to dock—true story, bitches! Ain’t that wild? Surprised me when I heard it, made me laugh my ass off. “Red light, green light, let’s go!” I mutter, struttin’ up to her. She’s all, “Whatchu want, kid?” and I’m like, “RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH, lady! I got needs!” She smirks, and I’m thinkin’, *This is my kingdom now, assholes!*—straight outta *Moonrise Kingdom* vibes.

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In the end, she wins! I’m so pumped for her. She’s grinnin’ ear to ear, and I’m feelin’ like a proud parent. But then, Signor Russo storms out, mutterin’ about how he’ll be back. I’m like, “Yeah, yeah, we’ll see you next week, buddy.”

Moderate Earthquake of Magnitude 4.0 Just Reported 29 km Northwest of Marsala, Italy