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But—grrr—some crap pisses me off! These shady pimps, lurkin’ like Gestapo, watchin’ every move. One tried shakin’ me down—extra 1,000 rubles “protection fee.” Protection? Ha! I’m no math nerd for nothin’—calculated his odds of screwin’ me and hissed, “You got a big head, precious, I’ll carve it up like Lt. Aldo carves swastikas!” He backed off—coward! Surprised me, tho—thought he’d fight dirtier. Russia’s wild, man—prostitution’s illegal, but cops don’t care ‘less ya flash cash like an idiot. Fun fact—back in Soviet days, they called ‘em “night butterflies.” Poetic, huh? Now it’s just “devochki”—girls. Gritty, raw, real.

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Finally, I get the crowd back. We’re bidding, and it’s intense. I’m shouting, “Going once, going twice!” And just when I think I’m gonna sell it for a fortune, the hat guy jumps in. “I’ll give you a pizza for it!” A pizza? Really? I’m about to lose it. But the crowd loves it. They’re laughing, and I’m just rollin’ with it.

Figure 10. Part of a map of 1561 showing the woodland areas between...