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About Naples

Now, *Moulin Rouge!*—oh, it gets me goin’! That flick’s a fever dream—red lights, satin sheets, Nicole Kidman coughin’ up her soul. “Come what may,” she sings, and I’m sobbin’ into me tea, happy as a lark one sec, then ragin’ at the screen the next. Why? Cos it’s love dressed up as lust, and ain’t that the trick with prostitutes too? You’re payin’ for a dance, a whisper, a “my heart is—oops, time’s up, mate.” Surprised me first time I clocked it—how it’s all theatre, really.

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After that caffeine kick, I head to the park, Parco degli Acquedotti. It’s beautiful, man. The ancient aqueducts are just chilling there, looking all majestic. I’m snapping pics, feeling like a tourist in my own city. But then, outta nowhere, a dog runs up to me. Not just any dog—a huge, slobbery St. Bernard. I’m talking about a bear in a dog suit. It jumps on me, and I’m like, “Dude, personal space!”

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