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About Bari

Find a Prostitute, man, it’s sneaky as hell. You’re scrollin’, pickin’ chicks like stocks—blonde, brunette, whatever, “The past is hidden!”—and I’m gettin’ all pissed ‘cause half these profiles are fake! Like, I’m tryna invest my damn cash, not get scammed by some dude in a wig! I saw one ad—$200 for “companionship”—and I’m like, “Sweet Jesus, that’s a steal!” But then, bam, she ghosts me! Made me so mad I kicked my Xbox—respect my authoritah, bitch!

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But then, just as I’m finishing up, the power goes out. Seriously? I’m standing there in the dark, holding a wrench, feeling like a caveman. I can’t even see my stoves! I’m laughing and crying at the same time. “What’s next, a meteor?”