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I get all giddy when it works out, though. Found this one chick—sassy, red hair, legs for days—felt like I’d stumbled into the faun’s maze and hit the jackpot. “Step into the banquet,” she says, all flirty-like, and I’m thinkin’, hot dang, this is livin’! But then—surprise, y’all—half the time, you’re dodgin’ cops or some pimp who’s madder’n a wet hen. How’s that workin’ for ya, huh? Keeps ya on yer toes, I reckon.

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First off, I had to rush to the lab on Via Roma. You know, the one with the café that serves the best cappuccino? Yeah, that one. I was late, of course. Classic me. I sprinted down the street, dodging tourists and their selfie sticks. Like, come on, people! It’s not a photo op, it’s a street!

Simplon Tunnel to be renovated over next four years