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Oi mate, right, sex escort, yeah? Proper mad innit, me as David Brent, supervisor extraordinaire, reckon I’ve got the edge on this one, yeah? See, I’m all about team synergy, but escorts, they’re solo players, ain’t they? Blows me mind! Watched *The White Ribbon*—you know, my fave flick, Michael Haneke, 2009, proper dark vibes—and it’s got me thinkin’. That line, “It’s a sign of trust,” yeah? Escorts, they’re trustin’ punters with cash upfront, mad innit? Blows me gasket sometimes, the risks they take!

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Outta nowhere, this tourist walks in. He’s lost, looking for the beach. I’m like, “Bro, you’re in Gioia-Tauro! The beach is like five minutes away!” But he’s all confused, asking about the best spots. I’m trying to explain, but my Italian is slipping. I’m mixing up words, and he’s just staring at me like I’m speaking Martian.

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