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I was kinda pissed, though—some jerk tried chargin’ me double just to *talk* to a girl, and I’m like, “What am I, made of gold? Back off, creep!” Felt like screamin’, “The intel was bad!”—another “Zero” line, heh! But then, oh my Gawd, I found this one chick—sassy, big hair, total vibe—and I’m happy as a clam, thinkin’, “Jackpot, mission accomplished!” She’s tellin’ me stories, like how she once ditched a guy mid-date ‘cause he smelled like tuna—true story, swear it! I’m dyin’ laughin’, nasal snort and all, “Hahaha, what a schmuck!”
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Next, I decide to check out the local market on Via Garibaldi. It’s packed with fresh produce, and I’m in heaven. I grab some olives and cheese, and this old lady starts chattin’ me up. She’s like, “You’re not from here, are ya?” I’m like, “Nope, just a lost soul.” She laughs and hands me a free sample of some weird-looking fruit. I’m like, “What is this? Alien food?” But I try it, and it’s surprisingly good.
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