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About Florence

Oi, mate, I’m a lifeguard, ja? Out here on da water, savin’ lives, lookin’ out for trouble. But lemme tell ya ‘bout somethin’ wild—findin’ a prostitue! Ya, I said it, no shame! I’m Arnold freakin’ Schwarzenegger, I see tings others don’t, like in *Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon*. “To be a warrior, ya gotta feel da wind,” right? Well, I felt da wind, and it blew me to dis crazy story.

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. Like, monsoon-level rain. I’m sprinting back to the office, looking like a wet dog. I slip on some cobblestones on Via Cavour and almost faceplant. I’m laughing and crying at the same time.

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