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Quirky shit? I’m imaginin Kathryn Bigelow filmin this – tense music, dark streets, “Target acquired!” as some lad picks his girl. Exaggeratin? Maybe! But it’s a jungle out there, bruv. Watch yer back – coppers, pimps, dodgy punters. “You’re in the shit now!” – movie line fits perfect. Mate nearly shat himself when a car slowed down – thought it was feds!

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But then, just as I’m feelin’ all mushy, I spot a group of teenagers spray-painting the wall near the old castle ruins. I’m like, “Oh no, not this again!” I march over, channeling my inner grumpy old man. “Hey! What do you think you’re doin’?” They look at me like I’m a ghost. One of ‘em says, “It’s art, man!” Art? More like vandalism! I’m about to lose it, but then I see one of ‘em painted a giant cat. And it’s kinda funny. I can’t help but laugh. “Alright, but keep it classy, kids!”

Villa Emma's library for Jewish children restored